Hemingway & Herriot
Lily Greener
I’m kind of panicking. Actually, I’m really panicking. I wish there was data on how many years packing for a trip takes off your life. “Did I remember underwear?” Hope so. “Will they lose this luggage anyway?” Hope not.
In the two weeks that I’ve spent at home prepping for India, I’ve taken my dog to the ER once, lost him outside once and had my computer crash twice. So my current stress level is somewhere between having to take a new license photo and the Hound during the Battle of the Blackwater.
I know I’m not the first person to wish stressing burned as many calories as stress-eating brings in (why God). My sweet stepdad gave me a Fitbit for my upcoming trip, and while I’m kind of obsessed with its ability to shame me into getting off my backside, I find myself compulsively checking it to see how many steps I’ve stepped, how many calories I’ve burned or if my celebratory fitness flower has grown (it’s more rewarding than it sounds). It kind of gets you in the mindset of focusing on what you should be doing. Personally, that’s pretty darn close to how I’m feeling with less than 24 hours to go before this trip. My list keeps growing, and yet I still need to print out “X” or pack up “Y.” All I can think about is what I still need to do. Basically, I’m super close to 10,000 steps but caaaaaan’t quite get there.
This packing experience has shown me that I’m probably never going to be laid-back. I like to tell myself I am, but I’m just not. I’m slowly learning that that’s not a character flaw, but it is 100% something I have to keep in check. Which has been particularly difficult in the last two weeks because, honestly, I don’t like not knowing what I’m doing or how to prepare. India is somewhere I’ve never been. I have to prep for environments I’ve never experienced. I have to purchase things I’ve never needed. Let me just say, I have never cried over a pair of shoes before, but trying to not sound like a dope while picking out my first pair of hiking boots had me tearing up in front of a very confused outdoorsman at REI.
For the Type-A-23-year-old, a trip like this is terrifying, and to say I wasn’t scared would be a complete lie. I’m scared to leave my dog for that long. I’m worried about my mom going to London without me. I’m nervous I’m going to forget something I’ve read about the culture and accidentally offend someone there. I’m afraid that my heart is going to break seeing children living with nothing and only being able to give them pencils and candy. I’m scared that I got the wrong mosquito net and that I’m going to be sent home early with malaria and Zika and some new virus the mosquitos of the Eastern Hemisphere have dreamed up just for me.
*Takes quick pause to make sure bug spray is packed*
I took a break from panicking about packing everything perfectly to write this, and I’m glad I did because as I’m reading it back to myself, I’m remembering something I read a while ago that really stuck. I think John Green said something along the lines of “it hurts because it matters.” I’m paraphrasing (sorry, John) and also pretty sure he was talking about losing someone you love, but when I hear it, I hear a reminder about moments like this – days like today when you’re getting overwhelmed preparing for the opportunity of a lifetime. It’s scary because it matters. It’s stressful and terrifying because it’s pushing me – rather forcefully – from my comfort zone.
I should probably go back now to organizing 6 weeks’ worth of necessities into two 50lb suitcases. Back to alphabetizing the papers in my travel folder. Back to filling out the list of US Embassy phone numbers and emergency contacts in India. Back to making an Excel spreadsheet of which items are in which suitcase.
And, yeah, I’m pretty anxious going into my 24-hour travel day tomorrow. But I’m anxious because this is BIG. This is important. This is kind. I’m incredibly grateful for the opportunity to run out of the bounds of my comfort zone beside peers and professors I respect. Erada said, “If it’s both terrifying and amazing, then you should definitely pursue it.”
Well, I’m pursuing.
“The fishermen know that the sea is dangerous and the storm terrible, but they have never found these dangers sufficient reason for remaining ashore.”
~ Van Gogh
Hemingway & Herriot 
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